“I was diagnosed in ’81 with schizophrenia…before I got sick…I used to read more. I was going out with more people. I was talking more. It seems like I lost that somewhere…I started coming to NAMI meetings in November 2004. I try to help families realize there’s hope at the end of the tunnel…Right now, I’m six years without an episode. I’m stronger and I’d like more independence in my life…My goal is to get into college.”

Christine
Client and NAMI member
 

CHRIS
I was diagnosed in ’81 with schizophrenia. I was twenty-one years old. When things got really bad, it seemed like I was in a dream. I felt like people were following me and talking about me. I would think, “This is ridiculous. How can they really be there? How can people follow you without you seeing them?” Sometimes I thought I would see people, but it was just my mind. The voices never told me what to do. It was just very scary to think somebody was talking to me and I couldn’t see anybody. The first time I was in the hospital I was there for a month. I always felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and somebody was going to rescue me. I’ve not been in the hospital for six years now.

I feel like my life changed after being diagnosed. Before I got sick, I was working full time as a mental hygiene therapist for mentally retarded adults. Back then I used to read more. I was going out with more people. I was talking more. It seems like I lost that somewhere. It’s almost like because of the title that’s on my forehead, I feel ashamed. I guess I’ve always felt ashamed about my illness. I don’t think people know I have an illness until I tell them. But if I go through an episode, then it’s noticeable. I think mental illness sometimes defines people. But when you do have a mental illness, how much should it define who you are?

There is a stigma. I don’t think the stigma will go away, because of movies, and t-shirts that say, “I do what the voices tell me.” I’m not sure how it makes me feel to see something like that. I think it bothers the parents more than the clients. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone talks to themselves. There are some “crazy” people who don’t look “crazy.” People should be more compassionate. I think if you’re more compassionate you’re more understanding.

I started coming to NAMI meetings in November 2004. I try to help families realize there’s hope at the end of the tunnel. I attend the PROP meetings and the educational meetings. The families are just so receptive to me. I think I give them hope that maybe their loved ones can be more “normal” one day.

Right now, I’m six years without an episode. I’m stronger and I’d like more independence in my life. I’m in the process of looking for a job and then finding my own apartment. I’m also taking math courses in the evenings. My goal is to get into college.