PAT
My family was first affected by mental illness when my son was discharged prematurely from the Navy. He was twenty-two and he is now forty-five years old. He had no diagnosis at the time of discharge; it was up to us to get him the help he needed. Eventually, he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

The one thing my husband and I never played around with was denial. I’ve known many families that have delayed the help their family member needed because they wouldn’t accept the fact the family member was mentally ill. When we knew our son was going to be discharged from the Navy, my husband and I took a legal pad and put a line in the middle of it. We then proceeded to put down everything that needed to be done under my name or his name. We split up the task of getting our son help. We called every agency and educated ourselves so we could hit the ground running as soon as he arrived home. Luckily, my husband and I knew how to attack problems and we’re both very assertive individuals. Once we learned about the resources in the county our next job was to take care of our son’s emotional and physical health. The next step was educating our family and friends, because they can be a little fearful if there’s a person visiting who talks to themselves all the time. You basically have a job for life. My friends and family reacted fantastically because we accepted our situation. I have another son who is learning disabled and one of the best days of my life was when I found out what was wrong with him. I’m not afraid of labels because they give answers that allow you to move forward and get help.

I found out about NAMI within the first year of my son’s diagnosis. There were about a dozen people at the first meeting I attended. I recall one family had ten children and three of them were mentally ill; I didn’t go back for two years—scared me to death because I have four children. I just didn’t know what I was dealing with. They say the onset of schizophrenia is sixteen to twenty-four years old. But I did return. Since I’ve learned how to tackle problems, I’m listed as a contact person that families can call if they need help. I have been the president of the local NAMI chapter six times, and I’m currently the treasurer. We do a lot of different activities as an organization including depression screening every year, and sending guest speakers to the University of Florida psychology classes. Also, we’ve gone to homeless shelters to train the volunteers on how to deal with the mentally ill. At Christmas, we gather a lot of supplies and money to help the homeless that live in the woods around Gainesville. Unfortunately, we don’t have a lot of contact with the medical school or medical students.

There are only certain people, especially in a mental illness support organization, who have the time and energy to take on leadership roles. Living with a family member who is very ill because of a mental illness can drain you of all your available time, energy and, sometimes, finances. Some families are going under emotionally and physically. I try to help the families look at things in a slightly different way. I tell them, “Sometimes the worst thing that happens is the one thing you needed so your family member could finally get help.” Like when our son became violent and hurt his father and sister we were able to say honestly and with firmness he could not live with us so the state was obligated to help us take care of him. I also advise families to be patient. The family may need to go through some failed living situations before the best fit is found. Time doesn’t have to be an enemy; sometimes it can help but you need to work through things with patience. You have to really persevere to get help for your family member.